Month: August 2009

From Sharon’s Blog

I am beginning to feel myself again, crazy as I am at times.

Sometimes it seems my brain is fragmenting itself, and I need to go around like a cleaning woman and gather up all the pieces and rearrange some of the parts.

Other times I am tracking and on top of my executive functions.  But they can go so quickly.

On occasion I find myself crying with a patient.  Moments with them can be so tender and revealing of life’s most intimate realities and it is those realities that are painful.  Loss of those experiences, recognizing my limitations and how inaccessible some of the those experiences I have taken for granted have become is a sad reality. 

Yesterday a couple were reveling in their newly regrown love affair with one another and there I was–tearing up.  My clients are very understanding each time this happens.  We go on a sideline for a while and come back.  I am sure it is meaningful to them in some ways, but it is tough for me to have the boundary of self-revelation become so porous.

I think it reflects a positive quality about my nature. .

And most folks I see recognize this and appreciate it.

Now, back to my changes:

I can spend time with my grandchildren without being self-preoccupied.

I can go to the movie and enjoy the plot line without interruption  (Wall-E, last Saturday night on the lawn at the town hall).

I can sit still and enjoy the conversation of others.

I can make it through a staff meeting without having to get up and leave.

I can enjoy being in the shower and not cry there.

Not bad.  Maybe I’ll have a future that is fulfilling in some new and different ways.

Lewis is irreplaceable.  No one could love me like he loved me or be so compatible with me.  No one. 

What an extraordinary blessing we had to have spent all these years together and to have raised our fine sons and have five precious years with granddaughters.

How blessed.   Very blessed.

The Williams Brothers - Can’t Cry Hard Enough

I’m Gonna live my life
Like every day’s the last
Without a simple goodbye
It all goes by so fast.

And now that you’re gone
I can’t cry hard enough
No I can’t cry hard enough
For you to hear me now.

Gonna open my eyes
And see for the first time
I let go of you like
A child letting go of his kite,
There it goes up in the sky
There it goes beyond the clouds
For no reason why

I can’t cry hard enough
No, I can’t cry hard enough
For you to hear me now.

There it goes up in the sky
There it goes beyond the clouds
For no reason why

I can’t cry hard enough
No, I can’t cry hard enough
For you to hear me now.

Sharon posted this music video to her blog on August 5, 2009.

It’s a lesson too late for the learnin’ Made of sand, made of sand In the wink of an eye my soul is turnin’ In your hand, in your hand. [Cho:] Are you going away with no word of farewell? Will there be not a trace left behind? Well, I could have loved you better, Didn’t mean to be unkind. You know that was the last thing on my mind. You’ve got reasons a-plenty for goin’. This I know, this I know. For the weeds have been steadily growin’. Please don’t go, please don’t go. [Cho:] As we walk on, my thoughts are a-tumblin’, Round and round, round and round. Underneath our feet the subways rumblin’, Underground, underground. [Cho:] As I lie in my bed in the mornin’, Without you, without you. Every song in my breast dies a bornin’, Without you, without you. [Cho:]